3 Comments

1. 

   Amanda Says

   The first thing one should do is STOP LOOKING AT YOUR BOYFRIENDS FACEBOOK! That is fuel for his side of the fire once you start to talk this out with him. And if you saw something, by accident, because he left it up and open, that one instance is enough to justify talking to him about it. You don’t need to sneak around to see if he’s still up to it.

   I don’t think it’s a good idea to apologize for anything, especially up front as you’re trying to initiate a conversation about the topic. If she truly first saw a message between him and his ex by accident because HE let his messenger app open on a computer you had access to, there is absolutely no need to apologize.

   The second thing one should do is ask themselves why they feel the way they do about finding out their boyfriend is talking to an ex.
   Are you envious if they are still friendly?
   Do you think he is going to be, or already has been, unfaithful?
   Do you think he still has feelings for her?
   Do YOU keep in touch with exes? If yes, what are the relationships and conversations like? If no, why not, and why does it bother you that he does?
   Can you live with him being friendly enough to talk with his exes? Or is that something you can’t get past in a relationship?

   Also, if something is in another language…GOOGLE TRANSLATE IT if you want to know what they are saying.

   Claiming you saw a message between them because ‘he left his messenger up/open’ and then claiming that his messages are now ‘muted’…which is just turning off the notification that you have a new message…might be a sign he wants to keep something from you, or it could be a sign that he doesn’t like the pop-ups. Jumping to the conclusion that he muted his messages to keep this particular conversation from you can lead you down a path you may not have to take.

   Think about his recent behavior towards you, is he pulling away? Or are things still normal? Does he seem like he’s missing something in your relationship that he is getting from talking to the ex?

   I don’t know how to start a convo to discuss this topic with your boyfriend, but I wouldn’t be apologizing for making a discovery that he left out in plain sight, and I think one should give him the opportunity to say what he has to say about it, and then one should decide if they are OK with it. If you’re not OK with your boyfriend being friends or friendly with an ex via Facebook, then you need to decide if that’s a dealbreaker, because neither one of you are going to get anything good out of a relationship if you’re not comfortable with the level of contact your significant other has with their exes.

   1. 

      Amanda Holstein Says

      Post author

      Great advice! Thank you for chiming in!!

2. 

   Madeleine R Says

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