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We’ve all been warned about dating after college, but no one seems to mention the other, even more awkward form of dating: friend dating. If, like most twenty-somethings, you’ve moved on to a new city and don’t have thousands of friends at your disposal like you did in college, friend dating is something you’ll have to learn. But first, many questions come to mind like…
How do I go up to a girl I barely know and basically ask her on a date? Aren’t guys the only ones who should have to suffer through this? What if she doesn’t like me? What if she thinks I have no friends, which I don’t…and that makes her not want to be my friend? What if she’s the kind of girl who wears makeup to the gym? Or purses her lips in pictures?
I think we’ve come to the understanding that dating, in all realms, is scary and awkward. Oh wait, did you think I was going to give you advice about this? I’m in need of help myself when it comes to friend dating, but I’ll do my best…
Now first things first, where do you meet these potential friends? Get out of your apartment. Take a silly gym class, join that kickball league, go to drinks with coworkers – even if you don’t see yourself being friends with them, they might bring other friends along or you might meet other people there. Bottom line, just get out.
An important thing to keep in mind is that everyone is in need of more friends. All of us twenty-somethings living in a huge city are looking to connect with people our age. I remember thinking to myself, what if she already has a group of friends and isn’t looking for any more? Everyone could use more friends. And if they don’t, why would you want to be their friend anyway?
Now for the awkward part. Ask for her number. Just bite the bullet and do it. Go ahead and laugh and make a joke about how you feel like you’re hitting on her – it’ll make things less awkward. Once you’ve gotten that away, you might be thinking, where do I go and what do I talk about? I recommend brunch – it’s girly, relaxing, and a great way to get to know each other. And as for the conversation? Aren’t you so curious what another girl your age went through to get where she is now? Where she works? Where she went to school? Grew up? What she does after work? How she’s been meeting new people? Talk about what you both have in common – this crazy transition into the real world. There’s just so much to find out. Plus, unlike on a regular date, you can talk about boys.
All in all, my advice is to relax. Don’t get down on yourself if you don’t have a group of bffs one year after college – most people don’t. Enjoy getting to know people, and if they stay in your life, great. If not, that’s fine too. You know that list of best friends you wrote down in your diary in 5th grade that you thought you’d have forever? That’s not life. This is life: people come in and out of it and it just keeps on moving.
What has your experience been like meeting new people?
Image via Flickr
Terese Says
Hi Amanda,
Your post has so much truth to it that I felt as if it was me writing it myself! I was born and raised in San Francisco and most of my friendships that I have had threw out my life have somehow turned out to end on a sour note. I find its very hard to meet genuinely nice girls in this city, who also take life a little bit on the serious side, like not working at the bar for the rest of their life and living with 3 other roommates! It would be nice to meet a girl or a group of girls who want to have a carrier and maybe a place of there own or will move in with the boyfriend at some point, who are family oriented.
I am 29 years old, and even though I have not been able to achieve some of the most important things I was hoping to achieve in my 20’s, step by step is all I can do. For sure this economy has set me back!
I signed up on Meetup.com to attend some girl meet up groups and the few that I attended were a bust. I am worried being that I am at the end of my 20’s and next year will be in my 30’s the friends I will make will be Mom’s because at some point I’ll get married and have kids!
I don’t know if it’s this city or I am too old fashioned, or I have watched WAY too much Sex In The City and I keep dreaming I will meet my 3 other amazing friends.
I try to stay hopeful but it is very hard.
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Catherine | The Single Diaries Says
A great post! I share more suggestions on how to meet friends after college on our website. Once you let go of the awkward feeling, it’s fun to open your eyes to opportunities everywhere to meet people. The worst that can happen is they are rude and don’t engage; but remember it’s their loss.
Catherine | meeting friends after college on TheSingleDiaries.com
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Miley Couzor Says
In the digital age, the concept of “friend dating” has gained momentum, and it can be a great way to meet new people who share your interests and values. Online dating with datingserviceusa offers a plethora of opportunities for forging new friendships, and all it takes is finding the right platform that caters to your preferences!