So, you’ve found yourself dealing with a boyfriend’s ex right? Well first off, you’re not alone! Despite what you might be thinking or how you may be feeling, there are a ton of people in the same situation as you. And that includes me! Today I’m going to be sharing my tried-and-true method for dealing with this uncomfortable and unfortunate turn of events.
Understand why they’re still there
Let me start off by saying that there needs to be a good (and I mean really good) reason why your boyfriend’s ex is still in the picture. If she’s hanging around “just because,” then that’s a red flag. To me, that means he hasn’t gotten over her yet, and that’s just weird. So, what’s a good reason you ask? Well, sometimes it’s unavoidable. Maybe they both work at the same company, or maybe they both have the same core group of friends. In those types of situations, it may be difficult to completely avoid their ex.
Change your mindset
Easier said than done, I know. However, this is probably the most important step. It will take some time to be able to start thinking about the situation differently, but it can and must happen in order for your relationship to remain a healthy and happy one. The biggest thing you need to remember is that she’s the ex for a reason. They broke up for a reason and he’s choosing to be with you now. Remind yourself of this whenever you start to feel insecure, angry, or jealous.
Setting boundaries with your partner is crucial. Granted, he should know to set some on his own, but it’s important to be open and honest about what bothers you. If you keep your frustrations to yourself, it will only lead to a huge fight later on. Maybe it makes you uncomfortable if they text each other; even if it’s 100% harmless, let him know. He probably doesn’t even realize that what he’s doing is upsetting you. If you set boundaries and he continues to not compromise, then I would suggest re-evaluating your relationship. If he truly cares about you, he will do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable and loved.
Evaluate what the relationship means to you
Having to deal with your boyfriend’s ex can totally suck. Big time. You need to ask yourself a few questions: “How important is this person to me?” “Will I be able to deal with this forever?” Be honest with yourself. If this person is important to you, then you need to start to come to terms with reality. You need to accept that she’s going to be in the picture, and you need to realize that it’s going to be OK. If you can’t accept these things, then it’s going to be very difficult to keep the relationship going.
Well, I hope this was helpful for anyone dealing with a boyfriend’s ex. I know there’s no quick fix to a topic so complicated, but just know you’re not alone in this. Best of luck!
Photography by Kendall McLeod