Dating & Relationships

After Pursuing Boys For 8+ Years, I Am Finally Learning How to Pursue Myself

posted on September 30, 2019 | by Nicole Rowe

From a young age, I created my own relationship cycle. Find a boy, date for a while, fall head over heels, watch the magic leave, breakup, and the day of the breakup I would see what else was “on the market”. It was not because I was a player in high school or college or that the relationships I was in did not mean anything to me. It was because I did not know how to cope and I did not know how to be alone.

There are so many important lessons you learn during the “singleness” stages of your life. I missed out on the majority of those lessons. Now, I left the states for a year to serve with a missions organization and want to know the catch? I am contracted to being single for over 300 days. After 8+ years of pursuing boys, I am finally learning how to pursue myself.

The Art Of It All

“Pursuing” one’s self is an art. I promise I am not being dramatic. Pursuing someone else can be fun, especially if it is like a chase. No matter what you say about the chase, it is exhilarating and creates adrenaline. It is sad that pursuing yourself does not always cause the same reaction. I have seen so many different bloggers try pursuing themselves by taking themselves out on dates and including their audiences via Instagram stories. I personally think that is an amazing start, but at the same time, why can’t you just treat yourself to a day that you want. Once again, it’s decided by outside factors. No hard feelings towards these influencers, I love the idea! It just made me think that we need more dates to ourselves that are determined by what we need mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

“So Nicole, you made some good points but, what is next? What did you do?”

First, I checked my heart. Did I really want this for myself? You know how you wouldn’t back out on a date with a significant other? Don’t back out on yourself either. Having a contract made that easier because I had the law against me. Nothing can happen if you are not all the way in. I one hundred percent think you can achieve any goal in a relationship, but wow, the amount of things I have achieved for myself and the new dreams I have created while being in this single state has amazed me.

Chasing After Yourself

This information may not do much for you because you are not pursuing boys/men with all you have got but I truly was. Get this, I changed my religion for a man once without fully believing in it myself. There is nothing wrong with discovering something new like a belief or lifestyle and going with it, but I was doing it only for him. How is that taking care of me? At that point, I knew something had to change.

Do you ever just think about how blessed you are to be in your twenties and still have so much time ahead of you to chase your dreams? It sounds so cliché, but my mom checked me at the marriage door and said, “you are 22, you have your whole life ahead of you, don’t do anything you are not fully committed to.” Now? I am traveling the world for a year, serving those around me, and learning more about myself.

There is something special about being single. I can’t pinpoint the exact words for it, but there is. It feels nice that for once, I can just be concerned about myself. I can apply for jobs all over the world and travel without worrying about what my significant other is doing.

I return home at the beginning of December and it feels nice to know I won’t just jump into another relationship and restart my endless cycle. I could easily jump back into the game, but I don’t want to. I like this “high” I feel about pursuing myself and the things I love. I am slowly falling in love again with who I am, what I am passionate about, and what I can offer the world. Not who I am based on who I am dating.

When is the last time you pursued yourself?