Ask Amanda: How do I stop being jealous in my relationship?
posted on January 5, 2018 | by Amanda Holstein
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and I trust him with everything, but for some reason I can’t trust him when it comes to other girls. He has never given me a reason to think he would cheat on me and he has never cheated on me. But every time he hangs out with a girl, I get an uneasy feeling. Is there something wrong with the way I feel and why can’t I trust him fully?
It’s totally normal to feel jealous when your boyfriend is hanging out with other girls. I think what you need to figure out is where this jealousy stems from. Do you honestly think he would cheat on you? Or do you just need some reassurance from time to time that you’re the most important girl in the world to him? Is this actually a trust issue or is it more of an insecurity within yourself? There is no right or wrong answer, but it’s important that you understand what this jealousy truly means so that you can work through it.
Since you said he has never given you a reason to believe that he would cheat on you, then it sounds like this isn’t a trust issue but rather an insecurity. Which, by the way, is totally normal and super common (I’ve definitely felt that before!). This can mean a few things: 1. You need to work on your self-confidence (as we all do!). 2. You may need something from your guy to make you feel more secure in your relationship.
Have you ever heard of the 5 Love Languages? Understanding what your love language is and what your boyfriend’s love language is can be super helpful in this situation. For example, for me, one of the ways I feel loved by my boyfriend is through words of affirmation. This is a common one with women, but not as much with men. If words of affirmation is one of your love languages but not his, chances are you are showing how much you love him with your words, but he may not be. He may show it in other ways, like physical touch or acts of service.
My point is, you may be needing him to show you he loves you in a way that he isn’t currently doing. Take a look at the 5 Love Languages and see which ones you need and think about which ones he is giving you. (Even better, sit down together, look through these and talk about them!) Once you have a better understanding of what you need from him to feel loved, you can talk about having him do more of that. This will make you feel more secure in your relationship, and in turn, less jealous.
I hope this helps!
Photography by Tait Campbell