Ask AmandaDating & Relationships

Ask Amanda: Is It Weird That I’ve Never Been in Love?

posted on May 1, 2015 | by Amanda Holstein

Ask Amanda: Is It Weird That I’ve Never Been in Love?

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Question:

I just turned 23 years old and I’ve spent so much of my life figuring myself out and getting to where I wanted. But now I’m starting to fear that I missed something along the way. I’ve never been in love. I’ve never even had a boyfriend. I’m worried that I’ve gone on this long by myself and that I won’t even know how to be in a relationship; so I continue to avoid them….[and] I just feel pressure from friends and other outside sources that are making me feel less unsure about myself.

I guess I just need to know if this is normal and how I know when/if I’m ready for a relationship.

Answer:

Although it may be hard to see, you’re really just starting your life. You’ve only been an adult for a few years (and scientifically, your brain doesn’t even fully develop until you’re about 26). So the fact that you haven’t experienced certain things, like love, is SO TOTALLY NORMAL. Don’t let yourself be discouraged by the fact that you haven’t experienced love yet. It comes at all different times for all different people.

Plus, it sounds like you’ve really focused on working on growing yourself, which is so important. In fact, I think this is the most important thing to do before you experience love. No relationship can be truly healthy and long-lasting until both individuals feel a strength within. As long as you feel happy within yourself and confident with who you are, then you’re ready for a relationship.

Also, I think it’s very important to try your best to stop comparing yourself to others. It’s very common to do this in all phases of our lives (especially as young adults), but you’ll be much happier if you try to just focus on yourself. I say this a lot on my blog, but it’s true — there is no normal. There is no age by which you’re supposed to have found love. There is no age by which you should get married, or have had 3 jobs, or have traveled to Europe, etc. Each person is unique in the path that they are on and no one’s is wrong or right. What’s right is if you listen to what you’re instincts are saying and stay honest with yourself. These are all things people begin to work on in their twenties (and beyond), so you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

So continue doing what you’re doing, remove the stress and the pressure of finding love, and I promise you it will come! The less you worry about the future (which you cannot control), the happier you’ll feel in the present and that positive energy will attract someone special. You’ll be just fine, girl, I promise! Trust yourself and be your own cheerleader. You got this.

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