Before You Move In Together
posted on July 18, 2012 | by Amanda Holstein
Gauge your expectations.
Talk about it. Ask each other what you’re both expecting it will be like. Are you assuming you’ll be splitting chores 50/50? Is he assuming you’ll do all the cooking and he’ll do all the cleaning? No matter what your expectations are, or what you end up deciding, communicating to each other what you’re thinking instead of making assumptions is always the best way to go. If you don’t talk about your expectations, you’ll just be setting yourselves up for disappointment.
Keep your separate lives.
It’s easy to start viewing your lives as one once you move in together. And that’s certainly a good thing, but it’s extremely important to each have your own lives as well. Make dinner plans with friends, go to that cycling class after work you’ve been dying to go to – you don’t have to make every decision based off of each other. You do, however, need to communicate. If you are making other plans for dinner and he’s assuming you’re eating together, make sure to tell him ahead of time. As you’ve probably figured out by now, communication prevents conflict.
It’s okay to get sick of each other.
If you don’t’ want to be around each other 24/7, that doesn’t mean your relationship is suffering, that means you’re normal. Just because you live together, doesn’t mean you need to do everything together. Literally, right now, as I type this, I’m working on my blog and he’s watching House. See? You can be in the same small space, but be focusing on your own things. It’s healthy!
Don’t be his mother.
Boys are babies. They don’t know what to take when they’re sick or what to do if a button rips off their shirt. This makes it extremely easy to take on the mother role in his life. Don’t. Of course you can take care of him when he’s sick and fix his shirt if he doesn’t know how to sew, but make sure you’re both taking care of each other, and you’re not just taking care of him. Don’t get in the habit of picking up after him. Try to both pick up after each other.
If it’s right, it should just feel normal.
When people ask you, “How do you like living together?”, it should feel like you’ve lived together for years. It should just feel right. After all the roommates and all the dorms, apartments, and sorority houses I’ve lived in, this is the first time my living space has felt like home. It just feels normal and natural. I get to see him when I get home without having to make an effort to get to his apartment after an exhausting day of work. The entire apartment is our space and we can enjoy every inch of our home.