Ask AmandaDating & Relationships

Ask Amanda: How to Get Out of a Dating Rut

posted on July 29, 2016 | by Amanda Holstein

Ask Amanda: How to Get Out of a Dating Rut


Dear Amanda,

I’ve been in a major dating rut for over a year – I moved across the country to San Francisco by myself after graduating college, and around the same time my relationship ended. I’ve spent the better part of the past year focusing on my career, pursing my passions, and making friends. I’ve gone on the occasional date (3 since I moved, to be exact), but dating after college seems next to impossible.

I’ve tried being set up by friends, dating apps, going to fun events in the city, etc…but nothing has worked. The majority of guys I’ve met just seem immature and are still stuck in the college mentality of getting wasted every weekend and hooking up with multiple girls. It seems like all of the decent guys are taken or simply don’t exist.

I would love to hear any advice you have on dating after college and how to meet guys with similar interests and goals in life.



Hi Sam,

Thanks for your email! And trust me, you are so not alone in feeling this way.

I totally understand how frustrating it can be to find someone special, but I think it’s important to accept the process. No, it’s not easy to find the right person for you. And that’s because that person is special and will have a unique connection with you, so of course it won’t be easy. It will take time and some bad dates and I think it’s important to embrace that and be okay with the process.

There is so much to learn from the process as well. This period of looking is not a waste of a time — it’s a time to learn about yourself, about what you want, what you don’t want, etc. So I would recommend trying to be okay with this time in your life as much as you can. Plus, you’re only ONE year out of college, girl! You’ve got plenty of time! Enjoy the single life while you can!

Now, as for meeting someone. Three dates isn’t very many — you can definitely be going on more. I’m actually a big fan of dating apps. It’s just a matter of using the right ones and reading through the profiles the right way. (I met my boyfriend on Hinge and am madly, deeply in love. He’s my person!). I definitely recommend Hinge because it connects you to friends of friends, which is nice so they aren’t totally random.

But whatever app you use, it’s important to try to decipher their personality from the photos rather than basing your decision solely on their looks or the small amount of info provided. If you’re not sure if you’re attracted to the person, I think it’s best to “swipe left” and give them a chance. Meeting in person, seeing how they talk and interact, and truly experiencing their personality can totally change how they look. I’m also a proponent of making the first move. If you really like a guy’s profile, why wait for him to message you? Start a conversation and see what happens. It can’t hurt, right?

I hope this helps change up your mentality a bit when it comes to dating. Just remember that there is no rush to find that special someone. Life without a partner is still life, and you should live it to the fullest and enjoy the present!



feature image via Tessa Barton