Ask Amanda: Why Hasn’t My Boyfriend Proposed?
posted on January 6, 2017 | by Amanda Holstein
I am very happy in the relationship I am currently in. My boyfriend is the man of my dreams with his sense of humor, love and support. His one flaw is that he won’t settle down. We have been together for two years, as adults, and I think it is time to get engaged and move towards marriage. We act like we are married with family functions and staying over on weekends, so I don’t think marriage is a huge jump.
He has said a number of reasons why he hasn’t proposed. One of them is paying for a ring and another is his parents disapproving. He still sounds excited about our future and even brings up marriage sometimes. I’m just not sure what to tell him anymore. I’ve done everything from ignoring the subject of marriage, to having discussions of goals, to asking him if I could propose, and none of it seems to be working. What would you say to my seemingly confused boyfriend?
Yes, two years is a respectable time to be together before getting engaged. But, I think you need to respect his feelings on the matter and be more patient. Just because two years makes sense for you as a time frame doesn’t mean it’s the right time in your specific situation to get engaged. And just because you both may be emotionally ready, doesn’t mean it’s the right time either.
There are other factors involved like his ability to buy a ring and needing his parents’ approval. Those are both two big factors and it makes a lot of sense why he hasn’t proposed. Try your best not to read into this as it meaning he doesn’t want to marry you—it really doesn’t sound like that’s the case.
If you know you love each other and want to be together for the rest of your lives, what’s the difference in being engaged now or in another year? Try not to care so much about how it looks from the outside—maybe your friends are engaged or you think people will wonder what’s going on if you’re not engaged at this point, but none of that matters. What matters is if it’s the right time for the two of you, considering all aspects, not just the relationship.
I think you need to give him a break and believe him when he says why he hasn’t proposed. If you know he loves you and wants to marry you, then try to let that be enough for now. How you truly feel about each other is really what’s the most important.