Ask AmandaDating & Relationships

Ask Amanda: I Want to Wear Makeup but My Mom Disapproves

posted on May 8, 2015 | by Amanda Holstein

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Question:

So I just turned 22 and will be graduating college on May 15th… I know. I’m a full pledged adult! :) As bad as it sounds, I’ve never had a boyfriend or even a date. I don’t consider myself to be attractive or confident, but I feel like wearing a little make up and “transforming” myself would help my self-esteem/confidence…. So here is the problem:

So my mom and I have always had a great relationship… My mom is over protective of me to the point where she doesn’t even allow me to wear make up! I’ve never even had a sip of alcohol! It’s weird because all my sisters, including my 15 year old sister, use make up. I still live with my parents (I can’t afford to pay for both my place and go to college), so I have always felt the need to follow her household rules. As bad as it sounds, I’m my mothers favorite, so I’m constantly trying to live up to her expectations.

How do you suggest I approach this problem. Should I just begin to wear makeup without consulting her? Should I sit down and talk to her?… Last time I mentioned I wanted to wear lipstick, she got mad. I don’t want to ruin our relationship, but I don’t think I should be deprived of doing something as harmless like wearing makeup… I want to feel free to do what I want. Am I being selfish?

Answer:

First of all, YOU ARE SO NOT BEING SELFISH!! Your twenties are an interesting time when you are transitioning from child to adult. Your relationship with your parents is going to begin to change as you realize you are in control of your life. You are an adult, you are your own person, and you can do whatever you want to/for yourself. Yes, you are living under her roof, so perhaps you need to respect anything that affects the household. But the way you dress, where you work, what makeup you wear – these are all things that only affect you and you can do whatever you want!

I think the best way to approach this is to talk to your mom in a mature way. If you want to be an adult, act like one. Express the fact that you are becoming a woman and that, although you love her, respect her, and appreciate all that she does for you, you are working hard to become emotionally independent. This means you will be making your own decisions about what you feel is best for you. This doesn’t need to be an angry or confrontational conversation. It can be more of a “thank you for all you’ve done, you’ve taught me so much and are a fantastic mother, thank you for preparing me for adulthood – now look at me thrive as my own person”. Once you’ve voiced this, then by all means, start wearing makeup and do as you like. Remind her that this is not in disrespect of her, but rather an expression if your independence and your womanhood. I promise you, she will get used to it over time and learn to accept it.

Do you guys have any advice for her? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

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