Dating & Relationships

From Long Distance to Close Distance: The Relationship Change No One Talks About

posted on September 27, 2018 | by Sanhita Mukherjee

When it comes to long distance relationships, much of the conversation revolves around, well, getting through the long distance. Seeing your partner just once in a while, working around time differences and figuring out how to afford all those flights definitely take a lot of patience and trust. But if you’ve stuck through it all, and are finally moving to the same city, you’re supposed to have “made it,” right?

After going long distance for two years, when I finally moved to the same city as my boyfriend, I was justifiably excited. I was so ready to spend more time in person instead of through a phone screen. I had not given a thought to the everyday chores, the differences in our daily habits or our individual personality quirks. You know, the mundane things.

Like any major relationship change, moving to the same city requires some getting used to. If you’re going from long distance to close distance, here are a few things to anticipate:

You end up spending more than usual

This makes sense when you think about it, but it is something that most people don’t take into account. After months (or maybe years) of not having enough time together, the first few weeks feel like one long, extended date. Of course you’d want to make the most of it by enjoying as many brunches, movies and trips as you can. Plus, don’t forget that one or both of you may have moved to a brand new city, so there’s that much more to explore!

Rather than fighting this, try planning for it. Save up in the months leading up to the big move if possible. Or look up all the budget-friendly date ideas in your new city.

You start noticing the little things (even the annoying ones!)

You’ll realize that there are so many little things about your partner that you hadn’t noticed before. These can be adorable little things (like how he makes sure you always have your favorite coffee) or super annoying stuff that will drive you up the wall (like how he fidgets so much). Like them or hate them, you’ll definitely be surprised at all the new revelations.

You’ll fight about unexpected things

Remember when you lived halfway around the world and were so glad that your partner is a morning person while you’re the night owl? This very thing that made the whole time difference issue easier to work around, is suddenly a problem now!

A certain amount of friction is normal in the initial phase – be it due to different schedules, messy habits or the fact that one of you want to stay in while the other wants to go out. If you’re suddenly having fights like these, don’t freak out or jump to the conclusion that you’re not well-suited to each other. It could simply be that you’re just getting used to each other’s personal and social habits. And that takes time!

You still need your own space

When you’re living far, nothing seems better than being able to see each other whenever you want. However, you get used to having all that space to yourself – and you may feel the lack of it, especially if you decide to move in together right away. This does not necessarily mean that you are bored of your partner already. Just remember not to get carried away in trying to do everything together. Enjoy your me-time! Pursue your own interests or build your own social circles independent of each other.