Ask AmandaDating & Relationships

Ask Amanda: When is the Right Time to Have “The Talk”?

posted on October 24, 2012 | by Amanda Holstein

So you’ve had the “we’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend” talk and, although you felt like a 5th grader throughout the whole thing, you got through it successfully. But now, some time has gone by, and you want to know just how serious this relationship is. Am I the kind of girl he could see marrying? Are we in it for the long haul? Should I make sure his mom really likes me? That’s a whole other discussion. I wish I could tell you a simple mathematical answer for when this talk should occur, like 6 months after the first time you two have sex, but it’s just not that simple.

But there are a few good signs that let you know he’s serious. Like, when he starts planning months ahead or talks about what the two of you should do for Christmas next year. When he can see you in his future, things are lookin’ good. While that’s certainly reassuring, sometimes you just want to hear the words come out of his mouth. To know you’re both on the same page, that you’re moving in the  right direction, even though you’re in no hurry to get there.

So what do you say without scaring him into thinking you’re moving too fast? First, I recommend bringing it up when you’re already in “relationship talk mode”. For example, tell him something he does/did that day that made you really happy or makes you realize how great you are together. Butter him up a bit ; ). Then once he’s in the mindset to talk about the relationship, naturally transition into what you really want to talk about.

Make sure to preface the discussion by addressing his fears. If you think it’s going to scare him because the talk is so serious, then try something like “I’m happy where we are and am in no rush”. When he hears that, it will help subdue those masculine fears that innately enter his mind. Continue with something like this, “I’m really happy where we are and where we’re going. I love the pace we’re taking things and I’m in no rush to move any faster. I can really see us moving in the right direction, maybe even living together way down the road. I really love our relationship and want to know if you’re on the same page…*smooch* *nustle* *smooch*.” (Gotta throw in some comforting gestures). Keep it almost matter-of-fact. Not too emotional, just say how you’re feeling honestly and confidently. Keep in mind that guys need a bit of a push to express themselves, so be direct and patient, and guide him as much as you can.

Have you had this type of conversation with your boyfriend recently? How did it go? What do you think of this relationship advice?

(image via Green Wedding Shoes)