4 Methods to Finding Compromise in a Relationship
posted on October 24, 2017 | by Chloe Gibson
The longer you’re with someone, the clearer some of your differences might become. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re headed for a break up, though. Trying to understand each other’s perspective has proven key in my relationship, but there are tons of different ways and reasons to compromise. Here are 4 methods to help tackle this challenge!
Be willing to try new things
This is the key to any compromise, and also, if you expect your partner to try new and different things for you, you absolutely need to do the same for them. Being the first one to volunteer to do this definitely earns you a few brownie points as well. Plus, you never know, maybe you’ll discover you actually like something you previously thought you hated.
Swallow your pride (sometimes)
It seems like every couple has that one thing where if it gets brought up it’s bound to turn into an argument (please tell me I’m not alone here?!). Well, just like anything in life, sometimes it’s better to just agree to disagree or swallow your pride. Of course, there are times when you should stand your ground, and you shouldn’t feel like you’re the one always sacrificing, but we can’t win them all. When it feels like some kind of middle ground can’t be reached on a minor issue, wave the white flag.
Do things solo
On my bucket list, there is a separate section of things I’ve set aside to do with my boyfriend. What I’ve learned though, is not everything on this list is something he wants to do or finds value in. This was a tough pill to swallow, especially when I brought up going on a European sabbatical and he looked at me like I was crazy.
Eventually we decided a two-week trip would suffice, but I realized at that point that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing things by myself (or with a friend) – traveling or otherwise. Just because you don’t do everything together, doesn’t mean there’s a problem in your relationship. In fact, you shouldn’t expect to do everything with your partner. They don’t need to fulfill every one of your needs. That’s what you have friends and family for!
Try to understand
Even though this sounds like the easiest thing on the list, I find it the most difficult sometimes. When I feel so passionately about something, I can get blinders on and have trouble understanding how my boyfriend couldn’t feel the same way. I’ve tried to become more aware of when this happens so I can take a step back and try to see his perspective. This usually helps to find a compromise, and more importantly, avoid an argument. Remember, you are two different people with different upbringings, experiences, and perspectives. It’s okay to disagree, but as long as you make the effort to understand one another’s point of view, then you’re on the right path.
There’s no question relationships take a lot effort from both parties, but knowing each other is willing to compromise every once in a while sure makes things a little easier.
Gih Says
As I’m just in the beginning of my relationship, compromising has been the biggest challenge. Not just because we have different personalities and interests, but also because I’ve learned to be independent (that happens when you’d been single for ages) and I don’t get why he wants to do things with me all the time. It’s very usual for him to tell me “but I want to go with you” when I turn down an invitation for a place he really wants to go but I can’t, Apparently it’d be rude from me if I told him I want to go out alone and do something by myself. But then again, if I’ve been compromising most of my free time to be with him, but can’t he compromise back and give me some space without it sounding like I’m pushing him away?
Amanda Holstein Says
There is nothing wrong with needing some space and needing your alone time in a relationship. It will actually help your relationship in the long run for each of you to prioritize your alone time. I think it’s important that you sit down and talk this through with him, not when you’re running out the door or telling him about some plans you have, but at a time when both of you are in a good mood and open to discussing your relationship. Tell him that you love him and that having time to yourself is extremely important for you. It doesn’t mean you love him any less, you just really enjoy your independence. In this case, he’s the one who may need to compromise and try to understand your perspective. I think you can also emphasize that it’ll be better for your relationship if you are more independent because (1) you won’t rely on each other to make yourselves happy, you’ll be able to make yourself happy and (2) you won’t resent him for not allowing you to have your alone time. Hope this helps! Good luck!
Brad Says
What if your g/f issues an ultimaum “im going to do x and y and if you dont like it too bad?
Amanda Holstein Says
That’s a great question. I hate ultimatums and I think they’re incredibly ineffective. I think it depends what your girlfriend wants to do but it’s important that you express to her how this ultimatum makes you feel. You both should feel like you’re on the same team and working together to create the life you want. Issuing an ultimatum makes it feel like you are on two different sides. If you can explain that to her and work with her rather than against her to figure this out, I would definitely give that a try!
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Nikki Caine Says
The four things can definitely help with learning to compromise in a relationship, but there’s a line that you have to be careful of not crossing – and that’s letting him get whatever he wants. That’s not compromise! Learning that it’s ok for both people to be able to do their own thing sometimes and finding things that you’ll enjoy together have to be balanced out. And communication always helps. Learned a long time ago to let someone finish their thoughts before I replied so that I could understand where they were coming from.
Mary Says
Compromise can really make a battering our relationship. The way you fight, when you have sex, some mutual hobbies that’s kind of compromise are the main, if someone can maintain those parts properly the he/she will be happy with their relation. I could be wrong but there was a time that I could maintine them and I am single.
Barry Dawghoused Says
Great post :). Every person has a different nature. Mutual understanding and some little compromises can make a relationship strong and long last.
Thanks
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