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  1. October 24, 2017
    Gih says

    As I’m just in the beginning of my relationship, compromising has been the biggest challenge. Not just because we have different personalities and interests, but also because I’ve learned to be independent (that happens when you’d been single for ages) and I don’t get why he wants to do things with me all the time. It’s very usual for him to tell me “but I want to go with you” when I turn down an invitation for a place he really wants to go but I can’t, Apparently it’d be rude from me if I told him I want to go out alone and do something by myself. But then again, if I’ve been compromising most of my free time to be with him, but can’t he compromise back and give me some space without it sounding like I’m pushing him away?

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    1. October 24, 2017

      There is nothing wrong with needing some space and needing your alone time in a relationship. It will actually help your relationship in the long run for each of you to prioritize your alone time. I think it’s important that you sit down and talk this through with him, not when you’re running out the door or telling him about some plans you have, but at a time when both of you are in a good mood and open to discussing your relationship. Tell him that you love him and that having time to yourself is extremely important for you. It doesn’t mean you love him any less, you just really enjoy your independence. In this case, he’s the one who may need to compromise and try to understand your perspective. I think you can also emphasize that it’ll be better for your relationship if you are more independent because (1) you won’t rely on each other to make yourselves happy, you’ll be able to make yourself happy and (2) you won’t resent him for not allowing you to have your alone time. Hope this helps! Good luck!

      Reply
  2. October 25, 2017
    Brad says

    What if your g/f issues an ultimaum “im going to do x and y and if you dont like it too bad?

    Reply
    1. October 25, 2017

      That’s a great question. I hate ultimatums and I think they’re incredibly ineffective. I think it depends what your girlfriend wants to do but it’s important that you express to her how this ultimatum makes you feel. You both should feel like you’re on the same team and working together to create the life you want. Issuing an ultimatum makes it feel like you are on two different sides. If you can explain that to her and work with her rather than against her to figure this out, I would definitely give that a try!

      Reply
  3. October 27, 2017

    […] 4 Methods to Finding Compromise in a Relationship – Advice From a 20 Something […]

  4. October 27, 2017

    The four things can definitely help with learning to compromise in a relationship, but there’s a line that you have to be careful of not crossing – and that’s letting him get whatever he wants. That’s not compromise! Learning that it’s ok for both people to be able to do their own thing sometimes and finding things that you’ll enjoy together have to be balanced out. And communication always helps. Learned a long time ago to let someone finish their thoughts before I replied so that I could understand where they were coming from.

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