Ask Amanda: I Can’t Get Over This Guy and I Don’t Know Why
posted on January 20, 2017 | by Amanda Holstein
So I met this really nice guy on Bumble and we seemed to hit it off. Later, we went for dinner and a movie; things felt a little awkward, but I had a really good time. Long story short, it didn’t work out. I feel like it’s because I slept with him too soon, or maybe he freaked out because I was a virgin. He instead said he wasn’t ready for something serious but that he really liked me, and used his third job as an excuse.
I thought “OK whatever, it happened and ended on good terms,” but I still can’t seem to get over it. Even though it was very short-lived, I can’t stop thinking about him. I was pretty sure I was over it since I realized I’m not ready for something serious as well, but I’m annoyed about the fact that he couldn’t be honest about it. I’m trying so hard to forget it and I want to move on so bad, but no matter what I do to distract myself, my thoughts always come back to him. It’s super frustrating. Any advice?
It’s totally normal to harp on a situation when you feel like you didn’t get a clear-cut answer about what happened. It doesn’t necessarily mean you still have strong feelings for him or that you wish the relationship could continue. It could be more about wanting answers. Though that is totally normal, it’s very common to never actually get those questions answered and you may need to try to accept that. All that really matters is what you think happened and how you feel about yourself. You may never know what he was thinking, and that’s OK. Try to be patient, because I promise you as time goes on or as you meet someone else, you will stop thinking about this. It just may be taking longer than you’d like, but it will pass.
You may also be harping on this a bit because he was the first person you had sex with, correct? That’s a big deal, no matter who you are. You’re always going to remember this person because of that fact and you will probably put more importance on him because of that. And that’s OK! Just knowing why you can’t stop thinking about the situation can help you get over it and move on.
Do your best to put your focus on other things. Know that it’s okay that you’re still thinking about what happened — there’s nothing wrong with that, it totally makes sense. Also know and truly believe that you will stop thinking about it as time passes, you just need to be patient.