Ask AmandaDating & Relationships

Ask Amanda: I feel like I’m losing my best friend

posted on February 16, 2018 | by Amanda Holstein

Question:

Hi Amanda,

I’ve known my best friend for about a year and we’ve never fought really. However, lately things started going downhill when she became super close to my ex’s new girlfriend. He treated me very poorly and she knows and never really bothered to comfort me or do anything because he was her friend too. Now she’s always with his new girlfriend and I can’t help but feel jealous because she never wants to spend time with me.

Every time I bring this up with her I try to explain how it makes me feel but she gets all defensive and says it’s no big deal. I don’t know what to do about it because it really hurts me when I see the two of them always together, it’s like she’s not my best friend anymore. I wish we could go back to the way things were before but I feel like ever since she met this girl she’s changed. What do I do? How do I bring this up to her without making her feel like I’m attacking her (when I’m really not trying to)?

Thanks,
Ellen

Answer:

Hi Ellen,

I think first you should take some time to think about why that friendship is so important to you. Is she a good friend or was she at some point? Did she comfort you when you needed her? Did she truly support you? Really be honest with yourself. Either way, talking to her will help you figure things out.

People typically get defensive when they know they’ve done something wrong deep down. So you probably didn’t sound like you were attacking her, but she interpreted it that way because of her own insecurities. I think the best way to approach it is to focus more on the positive things — so instead of focusing on her hanging out with this other girl, focus on how you miss your friendship and how much fun you used to have. You can even take some of the blame by saying you know it must have been hard for her when you went through the breakup because she was friends with both of you. Maybe taking some of the blame will make her feel like she can apologize too or see her own faults in the situation.

If you continue to talk to her and she just seems like she doesn’t want to resolve things, then she just may not be a great friend for you and that’s totally okay. It can be hard to let a friendship go, but sometimes they just run their course.

I hope this helps!
Amanda

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