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Ask Aryssa: My BFF Just Had a Baby

posted on September 25, 2020 | by Aryssa Durrell

Dear Aryssa,

My best friend recently had a baby and I feel like we honestly have nothing to connect on. I of course want to be interested and I’m so happy for her, but I feel like she doesn’t ask me anything anymore/just talks about the baby 24/7. Any advice? 

Although it may seem you have nothing to connect on with your best friend right now, it’s likely she wants to maintain a strong connection as much as you do. Having a child is a huge change and definitely commands much of a new parent’s attention, but the support of personal relationships is still very much needed. Vicki Iovine, author of The Girlfriends’ Guide, summarized the need to maintain true friendships through the different seasons of our lives when she stated, “In the most challenging times of our lives, it’s essential to our well-being that we bring our Girlfriends along.” 

Remind Her of Your Connection

Realize that your friend’s new child is now a defining part of her life and your access to your bestie will likely never be the same as it was before. The good news is, you can still maintain a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with her. Let your friend know that you would like to reconnect with her and catch her up on some things going on in your life. This will help her to realize that she may have lost touch with some of her personal relationships since the baby has arrived. Try to ease any guilt she may express from this by reassuring her that you understand how much life has changed and that you are happy to go the extra mile to keep your bond strong. 

Invite her on a special date for just the two of you or even make it a virtual date if she isn’t able to get away for a couple of hours. From there, propose the idea of having routine dates so that you two can connect more personally on a regular basis. Start by scheduling these dates once a month or every other week as her spare time may be limited. Many new mothers express their craving for quality time with their peers, so doubtlessly she will look forward to these get-togethers as much as you do. 

Keep Calm

Try not to grow frustrated while giving her time to get acclimated to her new lifestyle. The transition can be difficult as your friend’s priorities change, but keeping an open line of communication and being flexible can be helpful. The reality of it is that in this season you may have to make a few sacrifices of your own to keep the friendship going, but in the end, it will be worth keeping your bestie close. 

A true friendship can endure many things—think of all of the changes your relationship has encountered in the past and look how far you two have come. 

This is a huge milestone for your bestie, and although you may have to wait until baby goes to bed, she most likely needs you now more than ever before.