Dating & Relationships

How to Know You’re in a Controlling Relationship

posted on April 16, 2019 | by Jess Ciesla

When you’re in a relationship, it’s difficult to be objective and realize all the things that could possibly be wrong. And when you have friends and family members telling you that your relationship is unhealthy, or that they don’t like the person you’re dating, it can feel a little like you’re being attacked.

I get it. I’ve been there. I think a lot of us have, so if you’re reading this feeling like you’re the only one in a crappy, dead-end relationship with no idea what to do, you’re not alone! But the question is: how do you know for sure if you’re in a controlling and unhealthy relationship? Well for starters, I think if you’re reading this blog post and questioning the validity of your relationship, there’s probably a good reason. So, today I’m going to discuss some of the major red flags to look out for in your relationship.

You Feel Guilty Often

A controlling partner has a way of making you feel like the villain all the time. And it’s usually for completely ridiculous reasons like hanging out with your girlfriends or going out to lunch with your mom. Sounds crazy, right? But to the controlling partner, letting you have freedom is a scary thought. They need to have tabs on you all the time to make sure you’re not doing anything you’re not supposed to be doing. It’s an incredibly unhealthy way of thinking, and if your partner is making you feel guilty for spending time with people other than him, you need to end that relationship. He is trying to control you, and it will only get worse the longer you allow it to happen.

They Don’t Trust You

A little jealousy here and there is normal in relationships. I think we’ve all felt jealous at one point or another, and that’s totally OK. However, a controlling partner will take this to the next level. They will not allow you to do things you enjoy because they assume you have some ulterior motive. Something as simple as going to the mall with friends could trigger this person.

Going back to my first point, they will make you feel guilty for doing something as innocent as shopping with your girlfriend. I was in a controlling relationship and my ex forbid me from going out to a bar with my friends. And if I did go, he would threaten to break up with me and cause a huge fight. It was mentally exhausting and damaging. So, if your partner has some serious trust issues, I would highly recommend ending that relationship.

You Start To Believe That They Care

If your partner is forbidding you from doing things or seeing people, odds are they’ve explained to you that they’re doing it because they “care.” And that couldn’t be further from the truth. Someone who genuinely cares about you would never hold you back from doing the things that make you happy. A controlling partner will make it seem like they are trying to protect you when in reality, they’re abusing you. Sure, it may not be physical, but mental abuse is abuse, too.

I know this might be difficult for some of you, but it’s a reality check. I was stuck in a controlling relationship for years, and when I finally go out, I realized just how damaging it was. I’m so much happier now and you can be, too!

If you ever want to chat, feel free to send me a message on Instagram. I’m here for ya, girl!