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Lessons From a Therapist: It’s Okay to Be Not Okay
posted on February 18, 2013 | by Amanda Holstein
One of the first things I tell myself when I’m in a bad mood or something is frustrating me is, “It’s okay to be not okay.” I realized for most of my life whenever I was in a bad mood, I felt pressure to get out of it and be happy as quickly as possible. And guess what? That only made it worse. I would basically say things like “something’s wrong with you” or “you shouldn’t feel this way” and that just added a whole new layer of negativity to the bad feelings I was already experiencing.
Once I started realizing there was nothing wrong with being in a bad mood, even if I didn’t know exactly what caused it, part of me could actually begin to relax a little. I could learn to accept having moments of unhappiness, which are completely normal, and allow myself to process the feelings and get through them on my own time. Forcing yourself to be happy, or to feel any emotion for that matter, never works. Just as you listen to your body when you’re tired or hungry, you need to listen to your brain when you’re not happy and allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling.
What’s a mantra you tell yourself when you’re going through a difficult time?
Myrna Says
I agree, women have so many hormones running through there body that its ok for us to feel crappy, bitchy and or lazy. There’s nothing wrong with it. If I’m feeling crappy I allow myself TWO hours to have my pity party and then get over it. Allow yourself the time to feel what your body wants then take control. Love this article thanks for sharing Mandy!
XX-Myrna
Mybeatboutique.blogspot.com
Alyssa Says
I had the same recent realization…and it was very liberating. I’m a naturally positive, happy person, so when I’m not feeling that way, I beat myself up about it. Now, I just let myself do what I need to do: cry, vent, stomp my feet (ok, I don’t actually do that), and then I move on. Getting out that frustration or sadness can be cathartic, and I think if you push it back and bottle it up, it will only be worse in the long run!
amy Says
I think its is great you mention that. Often I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to be fine!
Coffee Beans and Bobby Pins
nancy @ adore to adorn Says
this is such a good mantra. It’s true that once you put yourself in a negative mind set, it’s not easy to see anything else in a positive way. It took a long time for me to be OK with realizing this same statement. Everyone is not perfect (as much as it seems that way). I also remind myself that someone else is hoping for things I already have as well…so learning and understanding how the “grass is greener” was a big step for me too.
xo,
nancy
Josie Says
Unfortunately I was cursed with the negative gene where I tend to see things as bad, or get in a sour mood easily so while I know its okay to not be okay I remind myself that I dont have to voice it and that I can stop and look at the green grass sometimes.
Maggie Says
Agreed. This sort of advice is pretty good for someone whose emotional baseline is normally positive or more neutral. “It’s okay to not be okay” if only if misery isn’t a normal feeling. I feel it can be dangerous to be continually stuck in despair or depression–it’s good to not deny such emotions but at the same time, this is also not good for mental health.
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