Ask AmandaDating & Relationships

Ask Amanda: I’m Worried About My Long Distance Relationship

posted on May 27, 2016 | by Amanda Holstein

Question:

Hi Amanda!

I graduated from an undergrad course in college a year ago. My boyfriend and I stayed together for a year and now after applying for Master’s studies at many universities, we have both finally got into our dream universities. Except that our universities are 900kms away — a 14 hour trip by train! I am worried about the kind of strain this will put on our relationship, especially considering that we will be absorbed in a new and demanding study environment. We have had THE talk and have decided to stay together. We want to get married a decade down the line, but I am worried whether circumstances might force us apart. What is the best advice you can offer?

Answer:

Hi Ali!

First of all, congrats to you and your boyfriend on getting into your dream universities! That is an amazing feat and you should be so proud of yourselves! I also think it’s great that you and your boyfriend have had a serious talk about your future. Knowing that you both want to be together and want to make this work will make the experience easier because you can always remember that he has the best intensions.

I think it’s also important that you two discuss how you want to handle this time apart. Talk about your fears, what you want to make sure you both do, how often you want to talk, if you want to skype, visit each other, etc. Discussing your expectations ahead of time is a very mature and productive way to ensure you both are doing everything you can to make the relationship work.

Besides these tips, the best thing you can do is remove any “what ifs” from your mind and your vocabulary. I know it’s easier said than done, but worrying about the future is unproductive, ineffective, and not useful in any way. Try to take it a day or a month at a time, focusing on the present as much as you can. Have faith that if you are a good fit for each other, you will make it work because you love each other and want to be together. This is another way of saying, it will work if it’s meant to be. But I don’t like saying “meant to be” because it sounds like you’re relying on fate – what I mean is that it will work if you two are right for each other. So do your best to not drive yourself crazy when you’re apart, feel confident in the strength of your bond, and you’ll be okay!

Good luck my dear!

xo
Amanda

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