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Ask Amanda: I’m 30 and I’ve Never Had a Real Relationship

posted on March 4, 2016 | by Amanda Holstein

Ask Amanda: I’m 30 and I’ve Never Had a Real Relationship

Question:

Hi Amanda,

I’ll be 30 in a few months and I’ve never had a relationship. There have been a few guys I had serious feelings for. Both reciprocated those feelings, but then one I found out was actually engaged and the other got back together with his ex. We live in different cities so I guess I just wasn’t convenient enough.

Anyway, both of these experiences have left me heartbroken and weary. Online dating has been a disaster. I can’t seem to get through the slew of “hey” “you’re pretty” “we should hang out” to find anything real — or at least anything that sparks my interest. All of my best friends are married and buying houses and having kids and I’m just…stuck. I want desperately to find love, but I’m also so exhausted from trying to meet people to even date. :-/

Help!
Julie

Answer:

Hi Julie!

I understand it must be difficult to want to find love so badly and see what feels like everyone around you getting married and having kids. You are certainly not alone in that feeling!

I think the most important thing here is to not be so hard on yourself and to do your best to build yourself up and be your own supporter. I would even recommend not focusing on dating because it’s wearing you out and you’re getting frustrated with it, so give it a break. Focus on making yourself happy in other ways. Do things you can only do when you’re single like travel alone and spend time on new hobbies. Try new things, learn about yourself, and focus on making yourself happy, confident, and the best you can be.

I think once you spend your time focusing on yourself, you’ll (1) be in a better mindset to try dating again and (2) may find someone during all this without trying. But as you probably know, the best kind of relationship happens when you’re are your best self, so I say focus on you right now and find a way to be truly happy with that.

Trust that love will come. It will because you want it to. So it may not be at the same time as everyone else, but that doesn’t mean anything. It just is what it is. You will find that person, I can promise you that. Your timeline is just not what you had expected for yourself, but that’s okay — again, it doesn’t mean anything!

Now go focus on you and keep me posted! Good luck, girl!

xo
Amanda

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