What I Wish More People Knew About Depression
posted on February 5, 2018 | by Amanda Holstein
Depression can often be misunderstood, and that’s not surprising considering how rarely people talk about it. I think it’s so important that everyone has at least a general understanding of this common disorder. You’ll be more likely to recognize it in yourself or in others around you and have a better idea of what others are going through. Now I’m clearly not a professional, but here are a few things I wish more people knew about depression, based on my own experience.
It’s not the same as being “sad”.
One of the most common misconceptions about depression is that it’s the same as feeling sad. While feeling sad is definitely a symptom of this disorder, there is so much more to it than that. It’s not just that you feel sad, but it’s that you feel like nothing at all can make you happy. You may even feel unworthy of feeling happy. It can feel like you have no energy to face the world and no motivation to do so.
It’s not simply a matter of being a “negative person”.
I wish depression could go away by just thinking more positively, but it’s much more complicated than that. Depression is a chemical imbalance. Your brain literally produces less “happy” chemicals (dopamine, serotonin, etc.) than a “normal” brain, causing you to experience the world in a very different way. People often wonder why those affected by depression don’t just “get over it” and it’s because we literally can’t control it. It’s also incredibly difficult to help yourself when you’re feeling depressed. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, anti-depressants, and lifestyle changes can all be very effective, but they take time and hard work.
It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re depressed about something.
When I talk about my depression on Instagram, I often get replies saying, “What do you have to be depressed about? Your life is amazing!”. I think it’s important to understand that you don’t have to be depressed about something in order to be depressed. I’m fully aware of how lucky I am to live the life that I do and I appreciate everything I have. But depression is a state of mind. You often feel sad for no reason at all and you can’t explain why. And that’s because it’s a chemical imbalance — your brain simply isn’t producing enough “happy” chemicals.
It’s not always caused by a specific event.
While a specific event can trigger depression, some are simply pre-disposed to it. For me, I believe my parents’ divorce triggered my first experience of depression but was not the cause. Depression runs in my family and I was likely going to experience it at some point. The event brought it out, but I’ve since experienced depression without being triggered by a difficult event. It’s just the way my brain was built.
It’s hard. Like, really hard.
Between the difficult emotions and the unpredictable nature of the disorder, depression can be very hard to deal with. For me, I find two things to be the most difficult: I tend to be extremely hard on myself when I’m feeling depressed. I put myself down to the point of feeling completely inadequate, which just makes me spiral further and further into depression. The other thing I find to be the most difficult is how it affects my relationships. Imagine feeling depressed when it’s your friend’s birthday or when your boyfriend made fun plans for the weekend. The guilt that comes with depression can be unbearable.
So just know that if you are depressed, it is hard. Give yourself a break and don’t be so hard on yourself for feeling the way you’re feeling. And if you know of anyone who is dealing with depression, hopefully, you can be more compassionate and understanding of what they’re going through.
Jessie Says
Thank you for writing this… I lost my Mom a little over a year ago and the roller coaster of anxiety and deep depression has been horrendous. My family has a long genetic history of depression, so I kind of knew I would sink pretty low with the loss of her, but even with that foresight, it still knocks me on my ass every time. Most of the time I try to cover it up, or smile through it, feign happiness and excitement when all I want is to lay in a dark room and not talk to anyone or do anything. Trying to explain it to others often just made me feel guilty or worse (and having the constant sunny, happy California life around you at all times made it even worse as I craved cold, dark, rainy days to match my feelings). I find that seeking out others that understand or reading others tales about it helps immensely, makes me feel like less of a “freak” who can’t “get over things”. Hang in there, I’ll do the same, and I know we’ll both have many more moments of happiness in our North Bay sunny lives that will help get us through as well.
Sandwich Says
This makes me want to give you a hug <3. Thank you for speaking out about depression. And thank you for helping end the stigma around mental health issues. With the help from influencers like you, I hope more people can open up and get the professional and social support they need.
— A fellow human struggling with mental health issues.
cozystylist Says
Yes, i love this. SOOOO many people just think im sad or upset about something when I’m actually have a bad depression day. More people need to read this.
Laurel Says
This is spot on. Thank you. I don’t even understand my own depression and sometimes I feel so guilty about it that I think I’m faking it and that I’m lazy, that I’m negative and boring and don’t know how to have fun. I was listening to some TED talks literally this morning about depression and the relationship we have with ourselves and how it appears/effects our lives. One thing that stuck out to me was this “the opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality”. That resonated with me. There isn’t a quick fix, but it’s important that people try to have compassion towards people who struggle, and maybe even more importantly…that we have compassion for ourselves. It is helpful to me to know that I am not alone in these feelings of frustration, guilt, and lack of motivation. Keep being an advocate for us! <3
Amanda Holstein Says
Post authorWell said, Laurel! I love that quote “the opposite of depression isn’t happiness, but vitality”. That is so true. I’m glad this post made you feel less alone in what you’re going through. There are so many of us out there struggling with the same thing!
Kelly Says
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this. There is such a stigma with mental illness which makes it very challenging to share with others. Your points about it not being the same as “feeling sad” and how people with depression cannot “just get over it” are spot on. I’ve struggled with depression for as long as I can remember and it takes a lot of work, self-care and forgiveness all day every day.
Honestly it’s exhausting, but I’ve found that daily yoga and walks have been helpful and to try my best to push past the guilt and completely accept how I’m feeling on a given day. I even tell my husband “Today’s one of those days” and he’s learned to be sensitive to the fact that I just can’t do some things. Sending lots of love your way!
Carmen @ Oh My Mermaid Says
I love this! I’ve been struggling with my own mental health this past two weeks and trying to explain to my partners that I’m not okay but I know I will be. It’s hard knowing they just want to help but they can’t rebalance the chemicals in my brain so they have to cuddle and wait it out, same as me.
Gallantly, gal Says
I love this! Thank you so much. There’s this conception that depression is all about sadness, but that’s not the entire picture. In my case, it has a lot to do with wondering what’s the point of anything, putting myself down a lot, and having absolutely no motivation to keep me going, which are all points you bring up.
Depression is a huge damper on the spirits, and even though I’m working harder at being positive and loving myself, depression can be an inexplicable feeling I can’t quite shake off. It isn’t too hard for me to the point I dread waking up with all my being… more like a shadow that sort of follows me around while I live my “normal” life. Although…it makes me not want to go to bed because I don’t want to face a new day.
Melina Says
Yes, Yes 100x yes. I relate to everything you said. You said it better than anyway that I could say it. I never have enough words to explain how depression really is. It’s so tough to explain it to others, especially those who have never experienced anything close to depression. I suffer from depression, and it sucks badly, especially because I get a lot of those comments like you do, and like you said, I don’t have a reason to feel the way I do, and it sucks. While hardships don’t make it easier and add onto the feelings you are having, it is not necessarily what drove you/me to feeling this way. Great post xxx
Melina | http://www.ivefoundwaldo.com
Kelly Shelley Says
Exactly. I have a wonderful life these days. I have some stressors but everyone does (and that has gotten easier to deal with in treatment. Last year I wanted to die. For about six months it was all I could think about. In April I tried…and was saved by my cat. In July I was going to go for it again but a friend convinced me to tell my psychiatrist what was going on (I had change doctors because as many folks do, I see a resident and they move on) and I spilled the beans about lying to fail the bipolar screen (despite my diagnosis twelve years ago) and about exactly how suicidal I really was…he had me hospitalized because I really was on the verge. My great life didn’t change how I felt or what I thought was the right thing to do. I thought I was an immense burden. I thought everyone would be better off without me. I thought life was not worth living.
Three days as an inpatient, two weeks in a partial program, many med changes (including being put on a mood stabilizer and taken off my anti-depressant, and about seven months later, for the most part, I’m ok.
Devin Brooks Says
Thank you for this post. I battle with depression myself, although was a slow build from the experiences I had in school. it’s so important to let people know that it isn’t just something you get over. I think depression only worsens when you don’t have a strong support group around you. I think in the US especially we try to “fix” people so that they’re more convenient for everyday life, but we’re all different, and we all struggle in some way or another. Those who suffer from mental illness like depression need compassion and grace just like everyone else. Telling someone to just “get over it” is not the answer. I’m really glad you’ve pointed these issues out. Great post! :)
Devin
http://www.motleyb.com
Kailey Says
I love this blog. Its everything. Its perfection. Not sure where I should leave overall praise for this amazing blog but just thought ya’ll should know I love this article. And every other article on the site. Its all perfection, I love it. Ok thank you thats all!!!!
Amanda Holstein Says
Post authorThank you so much, Kailey!!! So happy to have you join our community :). xoxoxo
Patricia D Crouch Says
Given the events that have been taking place in the world lately, probably an increasing number of people will know what depression is. It is very important to try to prevent this condition, for example, with the help of Online self-therapy having previously studied the overview of the service that provides such an opportunity. After all, any problem is easier to prevent than to solve later.