Ask Amanda: Should I Break Up with My Boyfriend?
posted on August 20, 2013 | by Amanda Holstein
I have been dating my current boyfriend for about a year and a half. We are going into our senior year of college. He treats me very well: he is very kind and patient with me (I am very impatient and easily annoyed), and I know he would do anything for me.
Lately, I have been feeling a bit bored, and have had a gut feeling for the past few months that this isn’t right for me (that is, he isn’t THE ONE). He isn’t as driven as I am, we don’t have the same goals, and we are very opposite personality-wise. He is my first boyfriend, so I am not sure if these feelings of uncertainty are normal or not.
I hadn’t really been considering breaking up with him until I recently met a new guy. We have been texting a lot, and I am starting to develop a crush on him. I would never cheat on my current boyfriend, but the thought has crossed my mind, hence why I have been considering breaking up.
I tried a break with my current boyfriend recently, but during that time the new boy and I stopped talking (for whatever reason), and I desperately missed my current boyfriend (maybe out of comfort? I don’t know). I just can’t help feeling like I’m not IN love with him anymore, but I was so sad when we were apart, I don’t know if breaking up is the right thing to do. I do not want to have regrets.
What do you think I should do?
This is certainly a tough situation, but I totally know what you’re going through. The main thing you need to do here is follow your heart and really listen to what you want. From what you’re saying, it sounds like you care about him a great deal but know in your heart that he’s not who you want to be with anymore. The fact that you missed him during your time apart is totally normal, and doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be with him. It just means you really care about him as a person and of course you’re going to miss him. Breaking up with someone is not easy and may not feel good for a while, but that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision. If you feel a sense of relief in your heart or a weight off your shoulders when you think about the idea of ending the relationship, then I think it’s the right thing to do.
There is also no shame in starting to develop feelings for someone else. In fact, that can make the break up process easier on you, knowing there are other guys out there. Just be sure that if you do choose to break up with your current boyfriend that you don’t put too much pressure on finding someone else quickly or on making this new person work out. If things don’t work out with this new guy, it doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice in breaking up.
Of course, the decision is up to you and I’m just here to repeat back to you what it sounds like you’re telling me. It truly sounds like you know in your heart that this relationship is not what you want and that’s really all you can base any decision off of. I think you know what to do.
Let me know if you want to talk this through more! I am more than happy to help. Good luck! And thanks for reading my blog :)