Ask AmandaDating & Relationships

Ask Amanda: I Have a Crush on My Brother’s Best Friend

posted on August 13, 2016 | by Amanda Holstein

Ask Amanda: I Have a Crush on My Brother’s Best Friend


Hi Amanda!

Okay so I have a little dilemma. I am 16 and I have a 17 year old brother. He’s never been overly protective of me, but recently we have become closer. We work at the same place along with several of his buddies, including his best friend. I worked very closely with the best friend for a long time, and the two of us got to be very close. Over time I’ve started to develop feelings for him. My brother will invite me to hang out with him and his best friend, and also, his best friend will invite me to hang out with them as well. I get the vibe that he likes me back based on our flirty relationship and comments from our mutual friends. However, he is the outgoing social type of guy, so I’m not positive that I’m picking up on these feelings correctly.

Basically, my question is, how do I go about pursuing the relationship with this guy without hurting my brother? Or is that even possible? I definitely don’t want to ruin my relationship with my brother, or ruin his relationship with his best friend, but if there is potential with this guy, I’d like to see where it goes. I’m just not sure how to figure out what is truly going on between us in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone involved. All the advice columns I look up say that you should just talk to your brother first, but if I’m still figuring out the feelings with this guy, I’m not sure how to approach my brother about it.

Please help shine some light on a confusing situation :)

Thank you so much!
– Emily


Hi Emily!

I was going to say the same thing as the other advice columns — I do think you need to talk to your brother first. That’s really the best way to make sure you don’t hurt him. I don’t think you need to have all the answers before you talk to your brother — and you can tell him that! Tell him you think you’re starting to grow some feelings for this guy, but you don’t want to hurt anyone or make the situation uncomfortable. See how he reacts and just talk openly and honestly with him. You don’t need to know exactly how you feel or what you want, just tell him what’s going on in your head.

Also know that this doesn’t have to be one big serious conversation that decides the entire situation and where you go from there. You can just begin to express yourself to your brother and maybe talk about it a few times as you figure out what you’re feeling. I think the best thing to do is just be honest with your brother as you’re thinking these things. If he feels like you’re being honest and genuine and that he can trust you, he’s more likely to be okay with the situation as well.

I hope this helps, dear! Good luck!



feature image via Logan Cole Photography