Ask Amanda: Feeling Restless in My Relationship at 23
posted on January 29, 2016 | by Amanda Holstein
I just recently started reading your blog, and I love it! Hopefully you can give me some advice :)
I have been in a relationship for 4 years. We met in university and both stayed in our small university town after graduation. We decided the next step was to move in together, while we both started full time jobs.
Lately I have been feeling very restless…. I am only 23 and I’m really not ready to settle down. I don’t want to settle for the first job I got right after graduation, and I’ve been itching to move to a bigger city. My boyfriend loves his job here and has told me before that he doesn’t want to move. I understand where he’s coming from because his friends and family all live here, and I don’t want to be the reason he quits his dream job.
I don’t want to look back one day and regret not taking a chance and challenging myself. Should I explore my options in a new city? Should I end my relationship and enjoy being single for a while? I would really appreciate your input!
Thanks for your email! Let me see if I can help :).
I can actually really relate to your situation. I dated my ex-boyfriend for 6 years starting in college. We moved in together after college and I began feeling restless as well. I knew there was more that I wanted to experience and so much more self-growth ahead of me as well. I ended up listening to my gut and breaking up with a really great guy, despite others’ opinions, and it was the best decision I’d made for myself as an adult. I learned SO much about myself in those next couple years of being single, living in a new city, and focusing on myself. I even met someone who I now realize is a much better fit for me and what I want in life!
Now, we certainly aren’t the same person or in the same situation, but I thought it might be helpful to hear that. It sounds like deep down, in your heart, your intuition is telling you to follow this dream of living in a different city and experiencing life for yourself. If that is what your gut is truly saying, I think you need to listen to that. I also think it’s important to ask yourself, would you regret it if you never took that chance? If so, then you should go for it. There’s really nothing like being single in your twenties — it allows you to truly figure out who you are and what you want in life, and will make you a stronger person in the end.
Let me know if this is helpful or if you want to discuss it further :). I’m more than happy to help!