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Can we all agree that hurt feelings are one of the worst emotions EVER? A stranger says something that makes you feel crappy, a family member criticizes your boyfriend, your manager calls you out in an email. We’ve all been there and it sucks!
The thing about feeling this way at work is, relationships in the office are unique. They aren’t usually as comfortable/open as the ones you have with friends or family. Though finding clarity through an awkward situation at work can be plain tricky, these tips should help:
The Golden Rule
Workplace or not, being a kind person goes a long way. Treating everyone how you would want to be treated ends up making life easier because people will naturally like you more. And they’ll want to treat you better! I know I go out of my way not to intentionally hurt someone who I like and respect, don’t you?
Understand that everyone works differently
I worked in an office of 99% men when I first started my career and learned an invaluable lesson: everyone communicates differently—especially men vs. women. If you’re working with guys, you’re less likely to get an email full of emojis or a ton of thank you’s. It’s just not how a lot of dudes operate! No matter who you’re dealing with, remember that everyone works and communicates uniquely. Try not to get upset if you don’t get the response you were planning on in your head.
Build confidence with your manager
I wrote about this recently, but getting a boss on your good side is smart (for a lot of reasons). This doesn’t mean sucking up or constantly nagging them, but make sure your manager knows you’re a superstar. This way, if you ever don’t see eye-to-eye or feel indifferent about a situation, they’ll still know your strong qualities and worth ethic. Remembering that will alleviate some of your anxiety about the situation.
Be open to change
When change happens in the office, especially when it involves your responsibilities, it’s hard not to take it personally. You feel like you messed up so X is happening. You want to ask your manager a million questions. But change happens no matter what, especially in a business. Remembering that these decisions are based on what’s best for the business can help separate your personal feelings from the situation. So try your best o roll with the punches. It will save you a lot of time and tears when it comes to negative feelings.
Get out of your head
Obsessing over the situation that you’re in won’t help you feel any better, just like overthinking anything leads to more stress and anxiety. If you do get upset or down on yourself, try focusing on something else. Go have lunch outside, have drinks with your friends, scream into a pillow, do whatever will relieve stress and let the situation be. And remember, this too shall (and will) pass!
How do you stay away from hurt feelings in the office?
Or in general?
Emmanuelle Says
I really enjoyed this post! It’s rare to see this kind of content about career. Having lived in different countries and worked in international companies I can say communication changes from country to country too. I’m French and currently live and work in London. Prior to this I worked in Germany. When I arrived in London, adjusting to the British way of communicating was hard. While French and German are usually direct, British people aren’t. It took me a while to decipher (literally) if someone meant to say yes or no or if my manager was satisfied or not with my work because they ‘sugar-coat’ a lot. On the other side, I sometimes appeared impolite when being direct because it’s not my habit to small talk before asking something. It always takes a while to find the right way to communicate but once it’s done, everything is much more easier.
Thanks for a great read!
Emmanuelle
http://www.thecuriousportafoglio.net
Chelsea Becker Says
Language/culture barrier is such a good point, Emmanuelle! I’m sure it’s a struggle to get on the same page sometimes. Thanks for pointing that out!
Ulrike Says
Being German living in the UK I constantly have this problem! Tricky!!
Ulrike Says
Ooooh, I so needed to read this today, after having had a bad day with a colleague. She snapped at me, across the room, “have you done this yet?” I hadn’t, and she had been aware that I hadn’t been feeling well the last couple of days.
I will speak to my boss on Monday, to explain my problems, and not mention her!
Thank you for your excellent advice!
Ulrike xx
Gillian Says
Good post. I’ve been experiencing this a lot at my job lately. Unfortunately, I feel like I do not have anyone I can trust to discuss some of the concerns I’ve been having. I am not happy there anyway but these situations keep occurring and I cannot figure out a way to address them when all I want to do is quit.
Michael S. Thompson Says
Avoiding hurt feelings at work involves treating others kindly, understanding different communication styles, and building confidence with your manager. Accept that changes in responsibilities are business decisions, not personal reflections. Focus on stress-relief activities to move past negative feelings. I have the same troubles at college and my friend told to look http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpeitwCptmxiTnMf31b5KGg and consider asking for assistance. So maybe you need external help in handling work challenges?