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Visiting Your Boyfriend’s Family for the Holidays
posted on December 20, 2012 | by Amanda Holstein
Visiting your boyfriend’s family for the Holidays? Don’t stress. Although I’m only twenty-something, this is one thing I’ve done many-a-time (with the same boyfriend, to be clear). Each time gets easier and easier, but there are a certainly a few things I’ve learned from my experiences. It can get awkward staying in the same house as your boyfriend’s parents (especially when you’re forced to sleep in the same room as them with only a divider between you, but that’s a story for another time…). With all of the awkward down time, unfamiliar traditions, and uncomfortable sleeping situations, it can be daunting. But I’ve got a few tips to help you get through it like a pro:
1. Talk to your boyfriend before you go. If you need some reassurance while you’re there or think some alone time with him now and then would be helpful, let him know beforehand so you can manage each other’s expectations. Don’t be afraid to tell him exactly what you need. You’re not needy, you’re normal.
2. Always offer to help. In the kitchen, moving presents, decorating the tree, walking the dog. Literally, anything at all, even if you really don’t want to do it, offer to help.
3. During that awkward downtime, read a book. Not only is it a great way to keep to yourself in a social setting, it’ll also show his family you’re smart and well-rounded!
4. The most important person to impress is his mom. She’s the one you need to win over. Spend time with her, ask her to teach you one of her recipes, have her show you photos of your man when he was a baby. Bond over your love of her son. She’s the one to focus on, trust me.
5. Be yourself. If he likes you the way you are, so will they. Just be comfortable with yourself and that will show through.
Oh, and don’t sleep in the same room as him until his parents say it’s okay. I don’t care how old you are, or if you live together. Ya just gotta go old school on this one.
What are some of your tips for visiting you boyfriend’s family?
Alyssa Says
Haha love these tips–and that photo! I’d say my biggest tip is never, EVER bash someone’s holiday traditions. People get really attached to the quirky, strange things they do around the holidays with their fam each year (myself included), so you’ll probably insult a few people if you turn your nose up to caroling or sitting on Santa’s lap on Christmas Eve!
Kory Says
These are great tips, especially about always offering to help.
I also think it’s important to spend time with his family and try to get to know them; don’t just stick by your boyfriend’s side the whole time.
Tamar Says
My biggest tip is to, in advance, speak with your boyfriend about your food habits, so your boyfriend can pass those on. Trust me, you don’t want to end being served turkey if you’re a vegetarian, only to let the mother know so in front of everyone – most mom’s I know will be super embarrassed (and mad at their son for not letting them know!) and just go nuts around the kitchen trying to prepare you an alternative even if you insist that you’re alright. It’s a situation best to avoid.
Lauren Says
I wish I had read this three years ago – the first tip is the one that really hits home with me. My boyfriend and I didn’t talk about expectations before bringing me home. Not only did I find out that I was meeting the entire family, but one family member is deaf and the other spoke no English – I was sure they both hated me at first sight. So much for a warning :p
Luckily three and half years later I love them and feel very comfortable spending time with his family. It just takes time :)
Kim // Six2Eleven Says
Such great advice! I wish I had these the first time I met my husband’s parents. I had the helping thing down, but didn’t do the “talk” before hand. Man, would have made things so much easier! And I probably wouldn’t have broken down and cried when I called my mom :)
Kim
EllaBelle Says
Okay well so while I agree to becoming cozy with your man’s mom.. I don’t necessarily agree to the sleeping in separate bedrooms. Sometimes that may not fly. For example, I recently met my boyfriend’s parents. His father was okay with us staying in the same room, his mother.. safe to say, was not. She made us up separate rooms, and I didn’t argue. I even placed my things in that room. However my boyfriend basically told his mother. “We live together, we spend every night together, I didn’t come here to visit with you guys for two weeks, and introduce you to the women I will spending my life with, just to sleep apart from my woman. If that is what you’re thinking, then we will stay in a hotel for the duration of our stay”. I chose to stay out of this conversation. It’s his mother’s house, but it’s his argument. I am a guest, but he isn’t, essentially it’s still his home you know what I’m saying. Just like you wouldn’t knock when you go home to visit your mama, it’s still your home, even if you don’t live there anymore.
Now, the awkward part of this story is when his mother cornered me and asked if my mother would allow my boyfriend and myself to sleep together under her roof.. What else could I say but the truth? “My mother, when we were younger, teenagers, never would have allowed it, but as an adult she trusts me enough to know I would never disrespect her trust in letting us stay together. However, I can understand why this makes you uncomfortable, and while I respect you wishes, my interests and my decision must follow your sons. Because he and I are partners, and if he feels strongly about the subject, I will support him”
I don’t know what she thought when I said this, but before I left we sat down and had a lovely, long talk, and she said she respected the way I stood behind her son, and she would be more than happy to have me back next year. Take from it what you will, but support the one your with, but try to be respectful as possible while doing so.
MankuR Says
Am so happy that i will be spending xmas with his family but also nervous because i dont know what to do an what not to do…dis will be my first time