Why You Shouldn’t Feel Bad About Being in a Boring Relationship
posted on January 16, 2018 | by Chelsea Becker
If you would have asked me ten years ago what a good relationship looked like, I would have said words like “exciting,” “going out,” “new experiences,” and probably something about a “super hot sex life.” Now, as I’m approaching marriage and a bit older, using those phrases to sum up a happy relationship makes me roll my eyes…and feel a little tired to be honest.
I’m in the best relationship of my life, one where I wouldn’t use any of those words to describe it. In fact, we’re one of the most boring couples I know. Our idea of a perfect date night involves pajamas by 7, a simple meal at home, a movie, and maybe (strong emphasis here) fooling around—if we have energy left by 10. And I couldn’t be happier.
My 21-year-old self would read that above paragraph and be in utter shock about how lame I’d let myself get. I’d worry about the relationship of my future and how I settled for something so dull. But this is me now, content as hell, letting my younger self know just how OK it is to be in a mundane relationship.
If you feel worried about how not exciting your partnership is but also very happy with it, know that you’re in a good spot. Never forget the benefits that come with boring love:
The thing about being boring is…it’s comfortable. As we age, feeling comfortable is one of the things to strive for – at least for me. Comfort in our careers, bodies, savings accounts, the life we’ve built. Tame might equal less excitement and surprises, but also less stressors that come with wild nights and relationships. Plus, yoga pants are way more comfy than the trendy dresses I used to wear for dates, and my fiance isn’t complaining.
I remember being younger and hearing real adults talk about having sex once a week, if that. I also remember thinking my boyfriend and I would never stop being physical every day. And then we moved in together, got older, more tired, and became a once-a-week kinda couple. And you know what? It’s freaking natural and I’m totally fine with letting go of that expectation! The thought of sex everyday honestly makes me exhausted even typing it.
Instead of heading to the newest restaurant followed by a night of overpriced drinks at a loud bar, being boring pays off – literally. Homemade chili paired with a delicious Trader Joe’s red wine tastes just as good on a Friday night, and it’s about a hundred bucks cheaper. Plus, there’s something romantic about scrolling Pinterest and finding recipes to make together, right? Sounds like a good time to me!
Bottom line…it feels good
Sometimes, I get pings of jealousy seeing other couples doing “exciting” things and raise concern to my fiance. Instagram feeds full of couples’ extravagant meals, non-stop travel, late-night concerts, and living a relationship full of new experiences. Things I would have loved a decade ago. We’ll vow to spice things up, go on a date night every single week, and look into taking an exotic trip.
Then, as we attempt to make it to our Thursday night reservation and book a trip full of busy experiences, we begin to remember all that comes with being exciting. Not getting enough sleep, hangovers, crowds, spending money instead of saving for our dream home, getting off schedule, airport delays, getting lost in foreign countries, not being home with our dog, eating a bunch of unhealthy food. Sure, there’s some romance in that adventure, but it’s not a priority for us. Our mundane routine that equals happiness is.
Immediately we cancel our dinner plans and meet at home for an easy dinner we’ve had a hundred times, sweats included. We’ll fall asleep by 10 and will never make it to next week’s reservation. And maybe that makes us the most boring couple in the world – but boring feels pretty damn good.
Anyone else a member of the boring love committee?
I am glad you had the honesty to write what you wrote ;-) … couldn’ t have said it better! Happy New Year!
I loved reading this. So refreshing and reassuring. Being newly married and trying to enjoy the simple things in my relationship, this is a great reminder. Just what I needed to read about. I loved the paragraph about sex, keep it real girl! It is much appreciated! :)
Sophia Mavrides Says
Well said girl! I am in the committee!
Thanks for sharing <3
Carrie Wilmont Says
I love when people get real about their relationship! Thanks for sharing! I’m always looking for was to improve my marriage. I find that I learn a lot from other people’s relationships, and from reading relationship books, from people who are pros! My husband and I are finding Diana Shulman really helpful. Check out her site, http://www.dianashulman.com/, and her book “The ABCs of LOVE”. Thanks for keeping it real! One of my favorite “date nights” is when my hubby and I are in our comfy clothes, enjoying a quiet dinner and being curled up together!