3 Reasons It’s OK for Your Friend Group to Shrink in Your 20s
posted on October 16, 2018 | by Chelsea Becker
Going into college, it almost felt like a competition for who could meet the most people. Everyone was hungry to go outside their usual friend group and make new connections – myself included. To be honest, I never really made a ton of new friends in college. I made a couple acquaintances, but I was never the girl who had 80 different people texting her on a Saturday night. I kind of had my core people and that was it. But the older I got, even that core group of people started to thin out. And now that I’m 26, well, let’s just say the group has really thinned down.
I used to feel bad about this and wonder if there was something wrong with me. I’ve had a few years to grow within myself and become more confident, though, and now know it’s not me, it’s just life. Sure, maybe there are 20 or even 30 somethings out there who have tons of friends and people they enjoy going out with, but if that’s not your life, trust me when I say you’re not the minority.
Why does this happen you might be asking yourself? Let me break it down.
Quality over quantity is a real thing
I’ve heard this phrase a lot in regards to friends, but it wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I really started to understand it. It’s not to say that the “low quality” friends aren’t good people, but the older you get, the more you want to spend time around people who serve you. And when I say serve you, I don’t mean literally. I mean people who add something positive to your life. If you’re wondering how you discover these people within your friend group, don’t worry, they’ll make themselves known.
You’re going to have less time
One of the realities of graduating college and developing a career is having less time for friends. Of course you can still make time with friends a priority, but it won’t be the same as college no matter how hard you try. Harsh but true. Everyone gets to a point where they start choosing work, relationships and not being hungover (let’s be real) before friends. It’s just what happens. And when you have less time, you only want to spend the time you do have with quality people, which is where the first point comes into play.
You might grow apart
Whether it be physical distance because you move across the country after college or simply a difference in priorities, not all the friends you had in high school and college will stay in your life for the long run. Some get into serious relationships and start families. Others focus on keeping an active social life. We also just grow as people and the things that were once very important to you may be different now, which can change the dynamic of your friendships.
Your twenties are a time of individual growth and development, so it’s inevitable that your friends will shift the more you discover who you are. The biggest thing is to never feel bad about it. You’re turning into the person you’re supposed to be and the friends that are meant to be on that ride with you will be.
Have you noticed a change in your friend group in your twenties?
I’ve totally noticed this change in my friend group! I used to think it was negative but I’m finding I have better relationships with the friends I care about more.
I can totally relate to this post. I never fount myself with a huge group of friends, whether that’s in school, uni or now in the work environment. I won’t lie, I often felt left out and envious of people with a big group of friends, it looked like so much fun. But, with age you learn that it is definitely not about quantity! And having a tight knit dependable, real and great group of friends is better than having numbers and stress.
I can relate to this post! Growing up I was never the person with a large friendship group. In all honesty, I must admit that I was sometimes envious of those who did have that. But, with age and looking back I understand that this was the best thing for me. It is way more beneficial to have a tight knit group of dependable, real and truly amazing friend than numbers and stress.
I enjoyed this post and outlook on friendships. Thank you.
The Career Edit Says
I can’t agree more with this post ! I think narrowing down you circle of friends to really just the people that matter and that have a positive and constructive influence over your life, is so important and even essential to building a successful and balanced life.