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Why Does Every Guy Have to be “The One”?
posted on January 8, 2014 | by Amanda Holstein
Guess what? They don’t.
For the past few months, I’ve been single for the first time in 6 years. It’s weird, let me tell you. But the weirdest part about it has to be my interaction with other single girls. It seems like every time a friend starts something up with a guy, she automatically expects him to act like “the one” – or at least like a perfect potential boyfriend. She expects him to text and call consistently, and she expects him to want her to be his girlfriend. Because if he doesn’t, there must be something wrong with her.
But who says every guy you like needs to become a long-term boyfriend? Maybe that guy is the perfect fit for you as a fun make-out here and there, or as a date for events because he’s outgoing and likes to dance. Not every guy you like is meant to be “the one”, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth your time.
I think the biggest thing we (twenty-something women) are forgetting is to ask ourselves what we want. Are you even in a place to start up something serious? Do you want this guy, who may be super fun but you could never see raising your kids, be the one you end up with? If the answer is no, then don’t force it. He doesn’t have to be. But he can still be in your life in a way that makes sense for you. Take the pressure off – if he doesn’t turn out to be the one, it doesn’t mean it was a failure. Take it from me: after being with the same person for 6 years, you realize how important it is to appreciate your interactions/relationships/connections with others. They teach you new things about yourself and about what you want, and that, in my opinion, is more important than rushing to find “the one”.
Kate Says
I love this thought and definitely agreed when newly single myself. However – see if you still feel this way a year from now.
My feelings changed drastically from the first year of being single to the second.
Amanda Says
Post authorThat’s so interesting! I wonder if it’s because after a year you were ready to find the one again. Thanks for sharing!
Dee Says
I am with Kate. I don’t want to waste my time with someone unsuitable and if I need a date for a company party or something I ask one of my single friends. But ultimately I want to make memories that we could look back at with my hubby when we are old:D But I understand you have these feelings, since you are out of a long term relationship.
Lauren (@thepearshape) Says
Resonates now more than ever. Hope you’re doing well in your new situation! wishing you the best
Jodi Says
I love that you came out and said all of this. I try to tell my best friend this all the time. It’s so very true and it’s nice to have a guy who fills the void of companionship, but you don’t have a title on the relationship. Stay single, get to know you, and enjoy your time with all types of people out there. You’ll find out more what you do want and when that guy comes along, you’ll know it. But the trick is, of course, stop looking. He will come when he is suppose to.
Yay to single lady status.
xx
http://www.thelastcleantshirt.com
Brie Says
As a “seasoned” single lady I can also really appreciate this advice. I’ve dated many types of men and enjoy the dating process of finding what fits and what doesn’t. I am dating a guy right now who is not, in my opinion, “the one” yet I feel an urge to have a DTR (define the relationship) talk with him. After reading your advice Amanda, I come to my senses and feel very encouraged! My friends don’t quite understand why I continue to talk to him after I informed them that I have no interest in dating him long-term. Next time they ask, I’ll share these thoughts :)
Ellen Faith Says
Oh, how I love this! I have a best friend who goes through this “he’s The One” phase every guy she gets along with. We’re polar opposites in this sense (she’s had a tonne of boyfriends which she all thought were “the One” and I’ve had no boyfriends), but it’s always frustrating how everybody seems to want to find “The One” ASAP. You should love yourself and learnt to love to be by yourself before you go out searching for someone long term. They’re my feelings on it anyway.
Roger holstein Says
Sound advice from a twenty something.
Maggie Says
Just valid advice–also newly single after 6+ years of a relationship which is both terrifying and liberating all at the same time. I’ve had friends who have found themselves in the same position and the minute they relaxed and stopped focusing on finding “the one”, someone walked into their lives. Sort of like the old school “a watched pot never boils” saying…sometimes you’ve got to let go, have fun, and let the universe work out it’s plan for you!