Dating & Relationships

Why It’s Important to Know Your Love Language

posted on October 26, 2016 | by Chelsea Becker

Have you guys heard of the book The 5 Love Languages? A girlfriend of mine (who is a relationship counselor) told me about it recently—even though it’s old—and as soon as she said the title, I tuned out. It sounded too cheesy. But as she talked more, I started to take interest. Basically, the book’s theory is that every person has a “love language” they need in order to feel loved, and one they use to show their love. I figured that you’d use the same language for giving and receiving, but most people don’t!

My friend had been working with clients on finding theirs and their partners’, and then actively incorporating the languages. Apparently, it was super helpful. I’m always down to improve a relationship, so I let her talk me through the languages…and basically analyze my boyfriend and I.

The 5 Love Languages

The five languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Of course all the languages sound nice, but it was interesting to stop and think about what I needed and gave.

My Love Language

We came to the conclusion that I need Words of Affirmation (probably common for females) to feel loved; I feel most secure and cared about when my BF uses verbal communication. Gifts were nice, and so was help around the house, but those didn’t necessarily make me feel loved. I knew I showed my love with Acts of Service and that my boyfriend appreciated it, but was that the language he needed to feel loved?

My Boyfriend’s Love Language

Once I was home, I told my BF about the convo. He hesitantly took the quiz (pretty sure I had to bribe him with dinner), and found that he needed Acts of Service (like the meal!) to feel loved, and showed it with Physical Touch. Luckily, I was already showing him my love through service like regularly cooking and helping with his laundry, so we were on the same page there.

How It Helped

It may sound like a completely cheesy idea, but figuring out our love languages improved our relationship. We ended up talking about the language I needed, since he was showing it through touch (he’s great at giving me a kiss when he walks in/out of the door and throughout the day) and not words (what I actually needed most). Now he understands that I need him to speak up in terms of how he’s feeling instead of thinking kisses take care of that. And in turn, I enjoy knowing what he needs and implementing it into our daily lives.

Even if your relationship isn’t struggling, I think it’s a cool tool. Have you ever tried this with your partner or a past one? Are you willing to?

Today’s post is written by contributor Chelsea Becker, a San Diego native,
living and writing in San Francisco. Follow her on Instagram & Pinterest.